This testimony includes alcohol addiction and a moment when the author gave up on life. If you are struggling, please reach out to a crisis line in your country or someone you trust today.
Joel Brim has seen heaven. Four years later, he was taken to hell. You might think either experience would have changed him for good. Neither did. What changed him, he says, was the day he stopped seeking an experience of God and started seeking God Himself.
In this episode of the God’s Truth Podcast, Joel tells Abigail Smith about twenty years of addiction, a bathtub where he felt death wrap its arms around him, and the day he screamed the name of Jesus until heaven answered. What follows is his account.
Heaven, then hell, then the bottle
In 2007, on an ordinary Sunday, fully awake and sober, Joel says he was taken to heaven. Four years later, again without warning, he was taken to hell. There he experienced what he calls the four torments: the fire, the demonic torment, the realisation of eternity, and worst of all, the knowledge that he would never see God again.
The Lord brought him out, but Joel could not shake what he had seen. Crowds in public places overwhelmed him because, he says, most people had no idea what awaited them. He sank into depression and began to drink. Before long he was drinking seven days a week, from morning until blackout. He was hospitalised with pancreatitis. He tried counselling, support groups, medication, hypnotherapy and experimental therapies. Nothing worked. His marriage ended, and he does not blame his wife. The drinking only grew worse.
For all those years, he cried out to God on his knees. Yet he felt no presence and heard no answer.
Seeking the Giver, not the gift
Joel receives emails from all over the world asking the same question: why haven’t I had an encounter like yours? Is something wrong with me? His answer begins with Jeremiah 29:13: “Ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.”
There is a world of difference, he says, between seeking an encounter and seeking the Person. We all know friends who only call when they want something. Jesus has a deep and rich personality, and that hurts Him too. “The Lord is not a vending machine,” Joel says. “We insert the coins of our faith, push the button for the miracle we want, and expect it to drop into the tray.” That, he realised, was exactly how he had been treating God.
The bathtub
One morning, on his knees in the bath with the shower running, Joel was praying the prayer he had prayed thousands of times. Suddenly his nose began to pour with blood. Nothing would stop it. Something in him gave up. He was not trying to end his life, he says; he simply had no fight left. He sat back and let the blood flow. Mom, forgive me. Dad, don’t remember me this way. He felt death itself creep in around him, cold arms wrapping around him, and he closed his eyes and let go.
The water turning cold woke him. Then the Lord spoke, spirit to spirit: “Whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved” (Romans 10:13).
With deep reverence but a holy indignation, Joel answered: “You want me to call on Your name? I won’t call on Your name anymore. I’m going to scream Your name, and I will not stop until either You come and save me, or I die screaming it.” He took the deepest breath he could and shouted, “Jesus! Jesus! I need You now!” He screamed His name all day and into the night, until his voice was gone and he fell asleep pounding his pillow. For the first time, it was not about what Jesus could do for him. He simply needed Jesus.
“You are guilty of idolatry”
The next morning Joel got up and headed for the door, not realising it was the first morning in years that he had not reached for the bottle. As his hand touched the handle, the glory of God fell on him. It felt as though gravity had increased ten-thousandfold, and a voice that seemed to crack the clouds said: “Joel, you are guilty of idolatry before Me.”
Joel was offended. He was a Christian. He walked out and turned on his truck radio, preset to a Christian station, to hear a preacher say that nothing changed until he confessed his idolatry to the Lord. Joel switched it off. At lunchtime, a different preacher said the same thing. Driving home that evening, a third preacher from a third church said it again. This time Joel sat in silence. Back in his apartment, he finally looked up and said, “Father, I really am guilty of idolatry, aren’t I?”
The glory came again, a hundred times stronger, and he was flat on his face. He heard a man’s voice, not the Lord’s, say, “My soul cleaveth unto the dust.” Then Jesus spoke: “Whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder” (Matthew 21:44). In the spirit, Joel saw his own heart, black as obsidian, in a barren wasteland. A stone fell from heaven and crushed it to dust, and the wind carried it away. “Lord, what will become of me?” he cried. “I will give you a new heart,” the Lord answered, “a heart after My own heart” (Ezekiel 36:26).
Seven days of godly sorrow
Then Jesus asked if he was ready for seven days and seven nights of godly sorrow. Joel said yes. What followed, he says, was feeling the very grief of God over a world that turns to anyone and anything but Him. He compares it to finding the person you love most in the arms of someone else. He lay curled up, sobbing so hard he could barely breathe. And yet there was no condemnation, no guilt trip. He simply needed to feel what God feels. “Godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of” (2 Corinthians 7:10).
On the eighth morning, the presence of the Lord filled his office and Jesus said, “Joel, from now on, I will be first.” First above his spouse, his children and his career, Joel explains, because when Jesus is truly first, He blesses all of those things. The Lord will not take second place.
David’s voice, and “I am the Word”
Joel began rising an hour early every day for unhurried time with the Lord. Reading through Psalm 119, he came to verse 25 and nearly fell off his chair: “My soul cleaveth unto the dust” (Psalm 119:25). He had never noticed the verse before. Now he understood whose voice he had heard. It was David.
Weeks into this new routine, deep in Scripture, he felt Jesus standing behind him. “Joel, what are you doing?” Jesus asked. “Reading Your word,” Joel replied. Three times the question came. Finally Jesus said, “Joel, I want you to spend time with Me. I am the Word” (John 1:1). Joel laughed at himself. Scripture matters deeply, he says, but the point of it all is the Person.
Why heaven didn’t change him
Joel is careful not to say everyone should scream Jesus’ name. That is what he needed, he says. You will know what you need. The principle is the same one Jesus taught in the parable of the friend at midnight, who kept knocking until his neighbour got up (Luke 11:5–10). He pictures Jesus seated at the Father’s right hand, grieving over a world that rejects Him, until He hears one person pounding on heaven’s door who will not stop, and runs to answer.
Seeing heaven did not change him, and seeing hell did not change him. What changed him was a full, one-on-one surrender to Jesus. He warns that chasing spiritual highs can leave people crumbling in dry seasons. Our relationship with the Lord has to rest on Him, whether we are on the mountaintop or in the valley. In his book, he sums up his whole story in three words: Jesus changes people.
Joel Brim’s book
- Door of No Return, Joel’s book about his encounters with heaven and hell, his journey, and his warnings about the occult and spiritual deception
Scriptures in this episode
- Jeremiah 29:13, search for Me with all your heart
- Romans 10:13, whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord
- John 10:27, My sheep hear My voice
- Hebrews 4:16, come boldly unto the throne of grace
- Matthew 21:44, whosoever shall fall on this stone
- Ezekiel 36:26, a new heart will I give you
- 2 Corinthians 7:10, godly sorrow worketh repentance
- Psalm 119:25, my soul cleaveth unto the dust
- Psalm 119:105, a lamp unto my feet
- John 1:1, the Word was God
- Luke 11:5–10, the friend at midnight
Watch the full testimony
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